So tonight was the premiere of the Jersey Shore 2: I’m in Miami Bitchhhh. I don’t know if I like this show or not, but for some reason I continue to watch it. Believe me though, if I had the choice, I would tell the MTV they got it all wrong. They just don’t take partying to the next level on the show, if even at all. Let’s put a couple of fucking ragers in a house together and watch this shit take off. Pounding all day, playing a variety of drinking games, and attracting all sorts of babes with your unbeatable drinking abilities. Boozing hard all night, getting into drunken brawls, breaking shit, I’m talking totally blacked out what the fuck just happened debauchery. A typical night would consist of taking handles of shitty vodka and bourbon to the face, spending an absurd amount of cash at the bar where the most expensive drink is 2 bucks, and not talking to a single person the whole night. Not a single person.
Everyone knows how this one ends: getting baby doll head syndrome before the nights end. When your blacked out and your head seems huge and too heavy for your neck and kind of rolls around on your shoulders and your eyes roll back into your head, tongue sticking out, drooling on anything within a 5 ft radius… you know, kind of like a baby doll head. Then your wake up, Oops, you pissed your bed, you’re even more broke then you were yesterday, and your phone is gone (Probably a good thing because of all the awkward texts you sent out). Cut your losses bro.
Bam! Sign me up MTV. If ratings don’t sky rocket, don’t worry, you still have the reality show “If You Really Knew Me.” Looks like another winner. Welcome to the cutters club.
Add it to the Situation dictionary:
Grenades – Big Ugly Chicks
Land Mines – Skinny Ugly Chicks